The first signs of spring have arrived, birds are singing, lizards are everywhere, and finally the sun has popped up, after days of pouring rain, announcing spring and a soon to be holiday filled, as usual, with loads of visitors. And there is me, puffing around, still under the influence of the flu I had earlier, carrying a basket of immense fatigue and a horrible cough. It’s as if all energy has been drawn out of my body and each one of my cells, is telling me off.
Just that touch of high fever added to my condition, and I know how much I want to avoid the following: I should see a doctor, take the so hated medicines (although I prefer tea with honey, thyme and ginger) and listen to my body, obey, submit to the necessary days of rest in bed. The worst imaginable thing there is to do, for someone as active as me. The foresight of pneumonia luring behind the actual bronchitis, does help to accept this verdict, I must admit.
So I am surviving the first awful sick days in bed, being chained to my room, knowing my body still needs to rest, though mind and heart are already pacing towards the race of daily life again.
My husband did drag me outside to see this beautfiful salamander:
Amidst reading the magazines I’ve been collecting, even a bit working on the computer, watching the films I so long wanted to watch, but didn’t…the answer comes to me like bells ringing:
Jalaluddin Rumi : Only from the heart can you touch the sky.
And one realizes, one has done it again, the hurrying, the offering of endless services, the running past your very own being. Now’s the time to say no, time to start doing those things you really like to do, but put aside, because of so many other daily things or people, always in function of others. Things happen for a reason: my illness stroke me, in a changeling way, showing me my path again.
So in bed I bathe in my dreams and ideas of a better “me-future”, the immense space of time I’m going to consume, devour just for me and my things to do, once strength and health have regained my poor ill body. The projects and ideas to give birth to, the cosy work corners or romantic settings waiting for me to be created, they all cross my mind.
Through the open windows, the garden lures me to go outside, what wouldn’t I give to be strong again, to walk and wander through nature’s delights and to be amongst my dogs, goats and donkeys enjoying spring being in the air.
The trees invitingly wave at me and in the wind, I hear them wisper “do come out and play”. The grass looks ever so green out there…
But inside, alas, still reigns the month of March with its flu, bronchitis and its viruses, supported by an ugly cough, sustained by high fever. So time to open the doors wide, for healing processes to start invading my body, to allow them in, to conquer body and mind, during this short forced break, and to remember what it is all about, so I can once again thread wondrous paths, whilst walking on sunshine.