It must be time for change

1aspergillus

It’s been a very long time, I know, and I’ve been in doubt (still am to be honest) whether to pursue this online hype of blogging (as vlogging is overtaking nowadays). Did 2018 start as it should have, omg no, not at all, let me tell you all about it.

The year ended with the worst news ever, one of our dearest beloved, faces a terrible cancer, the news struck us down emotionally. My husband hurried to his home country to be with his loved ones and I stayed home working, taking care of mum and our animals. As always thinking and acting like superwoman, not taking enough care of myself, so flu came and tried to sweep me of my feet, but I resisted and fought back… I thought.

Little did I know that I was fighting a losing battle, and my lungs were giving in. Fatigue conquered more and more. Because of the sad frightening family news, I cancelled whatever plans I had for my 60th birthday, yes, the one I had been so looking forward to, with tons of ideas and visions of an evening round the fire pit.

One week into the New Year, the doctor prescribed antibiotics and a blood test and within a day I was in hospital, an “emergency” experience not to be repeated, with as the French called it “pneumonie bilatérale”, a double pneumonia. Nothing as frightening as not being able to breathe or speak, being exhausted… but then finally finding the so wanted and needed rest and sleep, all be it, in a hospital bed.

Since then I take more care of myself than ever before. It’ll be a learning process, starting in the winter of my life, to finally learn to say no and to take care of myself. Although fulltime work has invaded my life due to necessary needed income, I just bought Marcus Aurelius’ meditations, started my beloved Hatha yoga again and am dreaming about starting my very own bullet journal (although realising I’m not really good at drawing but then again, creating it otherwise I can do).

1springflower

Spring is already lurking in our region with blossoms, the first courageous narcissus and irises popping up, a feast to my eyes. We now for sure know that a weasel lives in our surroundings as it managed to kill off all our chicken and those of the neighbours…

I’ll see where the year 2018 will lead me, or which paths I’ll decide to wander on and pursue. My brief stay in hospital taught and told me I do want to cling onto this precious life for much longer than I always previewed.

Problems will always be lurking, from not having enough winter wood to heat the house up, to looking for alternating jobs time and time again, each time one interim ends.

I’ll be keeping an eye out for the many daily sunny moments (it is already 28° out there in the afternoons) in my life, I do try now to follow Louise Hay’s way of thinking: whatever you, say try to make it really sound positive and it will turn out positive, using some affirmations can’t harm.

My daily cup/pot of Lapsang Souchong tea provides me my wanted moment of time out on the couch, a moment well deserved to dream and enjoy.

Big hug from

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